When Kylie (Layton Williams) steals the head teacher's clutch bag, Simon (Luke Ward-Wilkinson) immediately returns it but accidently rests the bag on the 'speak button' of her intercom system, revealing to the whole school that he wants a Posh Spice doll for his birthday.

His dad (Aidan McArdle) teaches reluctant Simon about football to 'butch him up'. When Simon discovers Posh dates footballers, he suddenly gets motivated and uses his choreography skills for good on the football pitch. This episode features a specially recorded duet by Dannii and Kylie Minogue performing Abba's The Winner Takes It All.