Get The Frock Outta Here!

Break out the tepid meat pies and sauce, its AFL time! The question of course isn't who will take out the flag (unless the Essendon team bus accidentally gets hit by a chunk of Russian Space station on the way to the ground, the answer should be fairly obvious). It is more a question of how many more times we will have to witness grown footballers parading around in frocks?

Whether its on The Footy Show or The Game or at the club fundraiser, you can back it in that some footballer or other will wind up wearing a dress just to get a laugh. Why is it so funny? Because women wear dresses and men don't. Therefore, when a man puts on a dress, it's an absolute laugh riot! Don't you think? No? Well, there you have it.

Enough is enough people. Whether its Garry Lyon dressed as Cher, Damian Monkhorst dressed as Madonna or the Richmond defence dressed as the Spice Girls, it is so lame and so unfunny that it defies description.

Think of the children! You men are their heroes! When I was a lad, the sight of Bruce Doull, Leigh Matthews or Rene Kink in a dress would have been enough to send me into counselling for a year.

What these men do in the privacy of their own homes is their own business; in fact, I applaud their sense of adventure. At the same time, I think any league footballer caught wearing a dress in public this season should front the tribunal and be made to wear it on the field as well.

Now that my friends, would be funny!

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Poor old Jane Saville. You remember her. She was the Australian walker from last year's Olympics who was disqualified for her technique just inside the gates of Stadium Australia and was denied a gold medal. Well, guess what? She did it again at the National Championships held earlier this year!

There is obviously something very wrong here and naturally, I have a theory and a way to help. When I am walking somewhere and I have some exciting news to tell or if I'm walking to the pub and know that my friends are already there, I get a little excited and break into a bit of a trot. I would imagine that the prospect of winning an Olympic or National medal would be equally as exciting and there we may have the root of the problem.

I offer you this advice, Jane. If you are winning and are beginning to get a little bit excited, just think of it as a walk to the train station in peak hour. If you miss your train home, there will be another one along in about ten minutes. There's no hurry.

Alternatively, just imagine that you are walking home to your trainer or to your loved ones to tell them that you blew another chance at a medal. See? No hurry!
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- Peter O'Connor