It's A One-Way Street
~ WHEN YOU GO BACK FOR MORE & MORE... ~
Oh, it is exhausting when you meet someone you really like, and for some reason he is not as in to you as you are in to him, but you keep seeing him. For some reason you never quite reach girlfriend status, but you know he does care about you. He treats you well when you are together, but can yet bring himself to commit to the relationship. You kind of cruise like this for a while, a few months go by, then finally your self respect shows her head. You want to talk - the words all men dread hearing.
You catch up and go out for a coffee. You wait until you've had at least one cup, and he's had two (they tend to become a bit more coherent on two cups of coffee). You wait a bit longer because you know what the outcome will be, but your going to go through with it anyway (hang on, just order one more latte`). You go to the bathroom to ensure you look your best, then take a deep breath, walk out and sit down opposite him.
You: "......So.......um.......what's actually going on here?"
Him: "What do you mean?" He plays it cool; he knows damn well what you are talking about.
You: "Us"
Him "I like things how they are."
You: "We've been together a while and I'm not even sure what we are?"
Him "You know I care about you, I just don't think I can do all that commitment stuff at the moment" (there are variations of the reason why, they are usually pretty uncreative though).
And that's pretty much that. You know where he stands, and it doesn't seem to matter about where you stand because you are the one chasing him.
A week or two passes and you start feeling you deserve better once again.
So you subtly (like a sledgehammer) bring up the issue again.
Him: "You know how I feel, I know you deserve better, but this is all I can offer at the moment." (At least he looks sad as he's saying this.)
Now I'm sorry to say that the problem lies with you, not him. He may be a wonderful guy, who pretty much respects you - as a person, just not as a girlfriend. And that's OK if you are willing to go along with it. You know where he stands, and if you've been together for a while, chances are he is not going to change. And fantasizing over him suddenly sweeping you off your feet is not a likely scenario.
That then leaves you with two options, leave things as they are and accept them, or move on and leave him for someone who can meet your needs. This however is easier said than done. It may be very likely than you'll change your mind (in fact you may leave him and get back with him ten times a day in your head), and in reality you will probably do it a few times over several months.
The bottom line is, make up your mind. If you are after a casual relationship then you may do all right staying in this one, especially if you both get on well together and he can make you smile.
If you are after something more solid, run for your life, this is the kind of guy who will not come around to meeting your needs. Remember it is your choice to stay or go. If he's been honest with you, then you need to be honest with yourself. Do you deserve better? If you believe you do, don't go on that ride where you're getting on and off and on and off. It may be all right at the start, but it will become emotionally draining. If you want that special someone, you'll need to let this fish go so that you can find one that wants to swim in your pond.
- Louise Ganey
Oh, it is exhausting when you meet someone you really like, and for some reason he is not as in to you as you are in to him, but you keep seeing him. For some reason you never quite reach girlfriend status, but you know he does care about you. He treats you well when you are together, but can yet bring himself to commit to the relationship. You kind of cruise like this for a while, a few months go by, then finally your self respect shows her head. You want to talk - the words all men dread hearing.
You catch up and go out for a coffee. You wait until you've had at least one cup, and he's had two (they tend to become a bit more coherent on two cups of coffee). You wait a bit longer because you know what the outcome will be, but your going to go through with it anyway (hang on, just order one more latte`). You go to the bathroom to ensure you look your best, then take a deep breath, walk out and sit down opposite him.
You: "......So.......um.......what's actually going on here?"
Him: "What do you mean?" He plays it cool; he knows damn well what you are talking about.
You: "Us"
Him "I like things how they are."
You: "We've been together a while and I'm not even sure what we are?"
Him "You know I care about you, I just don't think I can do all that commitment stuff at the moment" (there are variations of the reason why, they are usually pretty uncreative though).
And that's pretty much that. You know where he stands, and it doesn't seem to matter about where you stand because you are the one chasing him.
A week or two passes and you start feeling you deserve better once again.
So you subtly (like a sledgehammer) bring up the issue again.
Him: "You know how I feel, I know you deserve better, but this is all I can offer at the moment." (At least he looks sad as he's saying this.)
Now I'm sorry to say that the problem lies with you, not him. He may be a wonderful guy, who pretty much respects you - as a person, just not as a girlfriend. And that's OK if you are willing to go along with it. You know where he stands, and if you've been together for a while, chances are he is not going to change. And fantasizing over him suddenly sweeping you off your feet is not a likely scenario.
That then leaves you with two options, leave things as they are and accept them, or move on and leave him for someone who can meet your needs. This however is easier said than done. It may be very likely than you'll change your mind (in fact you may leave him and get back with him ten times a day in your head), and in reality you will probably do it a few times over several months.
The bottom line is, make up your mind. If you are after a casual relationship then you may do all right staying in this one, especially if you both get on well together and he can make you smile.
If you are after something more solid, run for your life, this is the kind of guy who will not come around to meeting your needs. Remember it is your choice to stay or go. If he's been honest with you, then you need to be honest with yourself. Do you deserve better? If you believe you do, don't go on that ride where you're getting on and off and on and off. It may be all right at the start, but it will become emotionally draining. If you want that special someone, you'll need to let this fish go so that you can find one that wants to swim in your pond.
- Louise Ganey
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