Having just recently ended a two year relationship which was very argumental, I have started to dated again and I find myself arguing with him because I have unanswered questions with him, which was the problem I had before. So that I will not repeat the same relationship pattern, I have convinced myself not to ask him questions concerning his ex.
I know that it will not be a relationship without being able to say what I want or need to know. Should my red lights come on when my partner gets upset because I'm asking questions or how can I handle a situation where things don't seem clear? I think his ex. is really pursing him. Should I just lay back and not respond to the drama when he tells me things and do I need to STOP asking questions?
In a nutshell, yes. I had to cut your letter back as it was very long butthe gist of your problem is that you have some doubts about your boyfriend but feel you might be handling it wrong.
You need to trust your own instincts. If this guy doesn't seem truthful to you, you do have a right to ask questions but anything can be taken too far.
Once you have expressed your concerns, you need to be able to drop the subject; otherwise it just disintegrates into nagging.
You're quite right in saying that you do have to say what you want and need but try not to be demanding or too prescriptive. Relationships have to have room to breathe as they are living things.
If you have suspicions about the ex-wife, try to get a clear agreement about what is acceptable and what isn't. Beyond that, drop the questions for now.
Time will tell if your doubts are founded or whether you are just a worrywart which if this has happened before, could be the case.
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