Assessing Your Relationships
Working out what's best for you
We have lots of different relationships in our lives, for example, with friends, family, teachers, doctors, work mates and so on. Sometimes relationships work well and are easy, and other times they can be hard and we wonder why they are worth it.
For most people the trick with relationships is to stick at it through the hard times to ensure that there will be good times ahead. When things aren't going so well or you feel that your relationship with another person isn't worth putting time into, you may feel like avoiding talking to that person or want to reassess the relationship.
Reassessing the Relationship
In reassessing the relationship with another person you may want to consider some of the following things:
Are you getting what you want from the relationship? If being in that relationship is not making you or the other person happy then it may be worth reconsidering how much time you spend with them.
Are you willing to compromise? When we fight with someone we tend not to listen to their point of view. To maintain a relationship you may need to both compromise some of your beliefs.
How significant is the person to you? If the person means a lot to you like your best friend or your parents, it is probably worth putting more effort into maintaining the relationship.
Are you dependent on the person? Being dependent on someone makes it more difficult to change the relationship.
How often do you have to see them? If you are fighting with a teacher or your parents, chances are you are going to have to see them regularly. This can make it difficult to change the relationship and you may have to compromise on some things for the time being.
Are you safe? In some cases you may feel threatened in a relationship and fear for your safety. If you do not feel safe with someone try to avoid situations where you are alone with them. Your local police can advise you on steps you can take to protect yourself.
Resolving problems
If you feel that a relationship is worth maintaining, you may just need to be clear about what problems you are having and try to find solutions.
Before talking to the other person:
· Write down a list of your concerns
· Consider talking to someone not involved in the situation; they may provide a different perspective and help you sort out things for yourself.
· Think about areas where you are willing to compromise.
· Think of a time and space where you can talk about your relationship calmly.
Maintaining happy relationships
Even when a relationship is going well it is important that you still put effort into it and don't take the relationship for granted.
Be aware of your needs as well as other peoples. This way, your relationships have the best chance of growing and continuing. If you are in a situation where a relationship turns sour and you are being hurt or abused by someone it may be best to end or change the relationship. If you are unsure of how to go about this, talk to someone you trust, like a friend, your parents, a counsellor or youth worker.
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We have lots of different relationships in our lives, for example, with friends, family, teachers, doctors, work mates and so on. Sometimes relationships work well and are easy, and other times they can be hard and we wonder why they are worth it.
For most people the trick with relationships is to stick at it through the hard times to ensure that there will be good times ahead. When things aren't going so well or you feel that your relationship with another person isn't worth putting time into, you may feel like avoiding talking to that person or want to reassess the relationship.
Reassessing the Relationship
In reassessing the relationship with another person you may want to consider some of the following things:
Are you getting what you want from the relationship? If being in that relationship is not making you or the other person happy then it may be worth reconsidering how much time you spend with them.
Are you willing to compromise? When we fight with someone we tend not to listen to their point of view. To maintain a relationship you may need to both compromise some of your beliefs.
How significant is the person to you? If the person means a lot to you like your best friend or your parents, it is probably worth putting more effort into maintaining the relationship.
Are you dependent on the person? Being dependent on someone makes it more difficult to change the relationship.
How often do you have to see them? If you are fighting with a teacher or your parents, chances are you are going to have to see them regularly. This can make it difficult to change the relationship and you may have to compromise on some things for the time being.
Are you safe? In some cases you may feel threatened in a relationship and fear for your safety. If you do not feel safe with someone try to avoid situations where you are alone with them. Your local police can advise you on steps you can take to protect yourself.
Resolving problems
If you feel that a relationship is worth maintaining, you may just need to be clear about what problems you are having and try to find solutions.
Before talking to the other person:
· Write down a list of your concerns
· Consider talking to someone not involved in the situation; they may provide a different perspective and help you sort out things for yourself.
· Think about areas where you are willing to compromise.
· Think of a time and space where you can talk about your relationship calmly.
Maintaining happy relationships
Even when a relationship is going well it is important that you still put effort into it and don't take the relationship for granted.
Be aware of your needs as well as other peoples. This way, your relationships have the best chance of growing and continuing. If you are in a situation where a relationship turns sour and you are being hurt or abused by someone it may be best to end or change the relationship. If you are unsure of how to go about this, talk to someone you trust, like a friend, your parents, a counsellor or youth worker.
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