Dear Girl Q&A


Dear Girl Q&A
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Dear Girl,

I'm obsessed with being popular! I go out of my way just so all the boys like me and I love the attention. I get annoyed and feel ugly if all the attention isn't focused on me. Help, what can I do?

Signed Attention-Seeker

Dear Attention-Seeker,

Firstly, it is a positive thing that you have recognised your need for popularity and attention.
The majority of us desire to feel popular and appreciated by others. And yes, we love to experience others finding us attractive, especially the opposite sex! Feeling attractive and appreciated is essential for our self-esteem, confidence and general sense of personal growth. But like anything, people vary in the degree to which their craving for attention need be fulfilled. It appears to me that your need for attention is considerable. Given this, it is more unlikely that you will have your needs met. This means that there is most probably a more pronounced discrepancy in the attention 'you want' and the attention 'you receive'.
Therefore, you are probably experiencing a lowered self-esteem or feeling 'ugly' as you put it. Due to my limited understanding of your personal situation, I can only offer you the following advice. Firstly, it appears to me that you often feel 'ugly' when the focus is away from you. To me, this highlights that for you it is your physical self that you require the most attention for. It is, however, unrealistic to have everyone fall for you based on your looks. But this does not mean that you are not worthy as an individual or that you are 'ugly'. As I always say, attraction is not purely physical; it is deeper and more enigmatic than that.
Furthermore, circumstances vary and people cannot always give you their undivided attention. Think about it. A guy who has just found out that his brand new Alfa has been stolen is not going to give you his full attention, is he?! Try and refocus your attention and energy on enjoying the company of your friends and family. And when you meet new people, focus on the experience per se. Remember, it is all about the way in which we perceive situations in life. Focusing too narrowly on attracting attention can actually be counterproductive, basically a turn-off for both your friends and potential boyfriends. Most guys enjoy the thrill of the chase! But remember if all else fails, there is always counselling. Good luck.

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