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I met this guy before the school holidays and he asked me out. I didn't want to say yes straight away but I did want to say yes. We talked about it and decided it might be a good idea to wait until when we went back to school as it was likely that we wouldn't see each other for 2 weeks. During the holidays I met up with a guy at a party and we ended up kissing. This guy was a really good friend of my boyfriends and he ended up finding out what happened. He wouldn't talk to me for a week after he found out, and my friends and his friends tell me that he still likes me even though he tells me that he just wants to be friends. I still like him and don't know what to do.
Signed Confused.
Dear Confused,
I am sure you are feeling guilt, confusion and anger. This situation you find yourself in possibly calls for timing on the part of the guy you are interested in, and this, in turn, requires much patience on your behalf. He most probably needs time to sort out his feelings of hurt, jealousy, insecurity and betrayal - the pure symptoms of a 'male bruised ego' (ooucchhhhh!!). What complicates matters even further is that the guy you kissed at the party is a good friend of his. Hence, he has his personal pride and reputation to uphold. Naturally, he does not want to feel second best to his friend. Think about how he may feel in front of his circle of friends. This is understandable in light of the circumstances, and the social rules and norms of our society. Also, don't forget, you have acquired limited information about this guy's personality and temperament, not to mention cultural and social beliefs. After time, he may come around and decide to call you. If not, providing you feel comfortable enough, call him and ask to see him. This will give you a chance to explain to him your feelings towards him and perhaps develop a potential romantic relationship with him. (Whatever you do, do not use his friends as messengers!) Yes, this sounds stressful and emotionally taxing, but if you do not try you will never explore your possibilities. And if no relationship immediately derives from your talk with him, he should, at the very least, respect your courage and admire your persistence. Good luck!