Dear Girl Q&A


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Dear Girl,

I have known a guy for ages and I know he likes me, but I don't like him like that. He says he can be my friend and I have tried to tell him I don't want a boyfriend. I have made it clear I am not interested in him and whenever I bring it up he says yeah I know, its cool, I don't like you like that. We are just friends. But then if we are at a party, and I talk to other guys or I want to kiss someone, he doesn't talk to me for a week. What should I do, because he is a really good friend of mine most of the time?

Signed Frustrated.

Dear Frustrated,

Unfortunately, there is no easy solution I can offer you. So far, you have done the right thing in telling your male friend that you are not interested in being in a romantic relationship with him. Possessing feelings of guilt, and anxiety about losing his friendship is understandable but lying usually only exacerbates these emotions. Your friend's verbal response to your views is obviously very different to his behavioral response (e.g. not talking to you a week after talking to guys at a party). This is a highly predictable outcome from your friend given the situation. Your friend is simply protecting his ego and self-pride. I suggest that you continue to see your male friend. However, try to not make any ambiguous remarks that will give him hope that things might change in the future. Do not weaken if he gets upset. Your friend needs time to come to terms with the idea of having you solely as a 'platonic' female friend. The only way for this to happen is if he faces the current situation. Hopefully, in time, he will be grateful to still have you as his close friend. And you too will be more comfortable in his presence. Good luck Girlfriend!

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