Pacing Yourself

At 26 years of age I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and it felt like the end of the world. I was in shock and was absolutely mortified. I couldn't adjust! I had always been the active, sporty type who was lively and restless. I loved my sport and would be totally lost without it. I couldn't understand how someone so energetic could become so exhausted all the time. I felt like a zombie and I was angry with myself for not listening to my body and ignoring the signs.

For the first four months of my illness I was virtually bed-bound. Sleeping into the early hours of the afternoon had become a familiar routine and walking to the letterbox had been my only exercise.

Throughout this period of time my mind was active and at times very racy. It seemed that while my mind was motivated my body wouldn't react. It was as if my body had shut down or been switched off while my mind was still going. My body felt heavy but I was weak and fragile. At times I wondered how I'd ever get my energy back; it was a very frightening feeling.

As the months progressed I felt my symptoms finally stabilize. Naturally wanting to jump up and return to my energetic self I instead took up the daily exercise of walking. I was unsteady at first but adamant in my mind to walk further each day. My confidence seemed to grow as I continued to improve. But that's when it happened! My body collapsed, all in a heap. I felt awful, my body ached with pain and I felt like I had been hit by a ton of bricks. I could hardly move and once again was bed-bound.

I had pushed my body to its limit. But it was so easy to do, I hadn't really walked that far, had I? But obviously it was enough, my body just wasn't ready, it couldn't handle the strain. Although I thought I was improving and becoming stronger, I didn't think of the consequences.

I was distraught, frustrated and filled with rage, how could my body let me down like that? I felt helpless and scared, what were my limits, how far could I go? I couldn't just go for a walk anymore, I had to start slowly and gradually build up and regain my strength.

Feeling afraid of starting again, I persevered and stayed positive. Somehow I had to find the right balance between rest and physical/mental activity. I set myself realistic goals by walking (50m) and increasing only when I felt ready to move on. I have learnt to do only 70% of what I can at a time and save the rest.

I began a gentle yoga class once a week or when I could. Yoga helps the function of specific organs, unblocking tensions and relaxing the mind. I found with yoga there wasn't a physical demand on my body and I could work at my own pace. It has helped me to strengthen my mind and my body.

To this day I have had several setbacks by either overexerting my boundaries or somehow triggering the symptoms. With CFS being such an unpredictable illness, relapses can often be triggered off by a change of season (temperature), stress, diet, infection, exertion, exposure to toxins and in women it can often be hormonal.

A sensible approach to CFS is to always start slow and set yourself achievable goals. Even if you can only manage a few steps a day, you will improve gradually. A quality amount of rest for the body and the mind is essential although too much rest can lead to muscle weakness. On the other hand leaping into physical activity too early when your body isn't ready can lead to profound relapse and remission. It is quite difficult to work out your limits but unfortunately it is often a case of trial and error or learning from your mistakes!

Finding the right amount of balance between rest and activity is vital in aiding the recovery process of CFS. My advice is to pace yourself and persevere!


- S.C.