Peer Pressure

DEALING WITH PEER PRESSURE

"When I was in Year 11 I really wanted to be accepted in the "popular" crowd so I was thrilled when the girls asked me to join their "gang". But my happiness turned to tears when all of a sudden I was forced to do things that didn't make me feel comfortable. Now the girls didn't point a gun to my head or anything but I felt that if I didn't go along with them and pretend that everything was cool then they'd kick me out of their group for sure! So I got my tongue pierced (my mum nearly had a heart attack!), started having a bad attitude and being really slack about my schoolwork. I remember feeling even worse about myself than I did before I started hanging out with the popular girls. But I had wanted to be friends with them for so long that I was afraid that if I didn't impress them, then they wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore." [*Sonia, 19 years]

Wanting to be a part of the crowd at any time is quite healthy and normal, after all is it extremely important to feel wanted. But wanting to be a part of a select peer group to the point of doing things or acting in a certain manner that is unlike your usual self in order to fit in, can be a dangerous thing.

Peers can help influence us all both in a positive or negative fashion. You learn from them, they learn from you. The way we choose to react and deal with peer pressure defines who we are as individuals. Are we leaders or followers?

By definition a peer is someone that you look up to or can be someone you consider an equal in age or ability. And when we talk about the term "pressure" in the negative sense as exerted by these peers, we refer to the pressure that these people place on others to persuade them to do something that they would not normally consider doing of their own accord.

As the world we live in continues to become more complex, so too is peer pressure becoming more evident and frequent in today's society. At some stage in our lives, we have or will be subjected to a form of peer pressure. I recall when I was a high school student at an all-girls school a few years ago - there was always the constant pressure from other girls to take up smoking, wag classes or to behave in a rebellious manner. Fortunately for myself I had enough sense to know right from wrong and possessed the strength to tell the students in question that smoking was not very cool at all and that I'd rather get an education than a detention! But for many, the idea of standing up to peer group pressure is frightening.

People cope with peer pressure in different ways. How you deal with it is entirely up to you. You may feel comfortable talking to someone else about what you are experiencing and get some advice from them about what to do. Or you might be courageous enough to challenge the views and ways of your peers. The one thing you should NOT do however is bottle up your feelings. You will only be miserable and end up hurting yourself. A problem shared is a problem solved.

It is important to understand that just because you don't agree with your peers on all matters, does not mean they will respect you any less. In fact, if they are mature enough about the situation, they will probably respect you more for sticking to your convictions. And if they don't and insist on ridiculing your decisions or actions, then they are probably not worth knowing in the first instance.

Although it can be hard to walk away from peer pressure it is not impossible to do so. You need to find the strength to say "NO" to harmful pressure from others. Paying attention to your own feelings and beliefs and finding inner strength and confidence is the key to surviving.

- Annemarie Failla

* Name has been changed to protect identity.

Also see article on Natural Quit Smoking Remedies